A brief definition of co-dependency is when one engages in a relationship without intimacy. Despite the abuse of such relationships, the co-dependent gets a positive gain from it, even if it’s the gain of reaffirming one’s victim status. The co-dependent may also seek relationships that affirm one’s victim or servile status to reinforce the idea that he or she does not need to change.
The co-dependent must do a lot of work on his or herself to be able to enter into healthy relationships. Reconciliation is intended to be a process that two healthy, mature people agree to.